Friday, December 25, 2009
A Boring Christmas indeed.
Judgmentalism.
Maybe it's in my nature to be very judgmental towards people. It's always based on first impressions and what we see from the naked eye.
Perhaps that is the main underlying reason why I have such an eroded self-esteem.
I am afraid of what people would think of me as much as how I am mentally judgmental towards people (hence many negative things will circulate in my head as i glare at a particular person, questioning his/her background, personality, behavior, etc.)
Yes, and I will admit that I am in fact afraid of what people think of me even though they do not physically or verbally express their disregard. It's always about a flaw in your aspects as a person that could potentially displease someone, something I dislike.
So to put it simply, I fear my own kind.
It's not perfectionism, nobody who walks on the face of this planet could possibly attain such a great feat. It is, in fact, more of a matter of social decency, of acceptance as an individual.
If one person is not happy with you about something, then there is also a possibility that many others also hold problems with what you are like.
For instance, I cannot stand people who smoke in my vicinity, or people who delay the disembarking time on an escalator, or people who are so inconsiderate, rude and indecent in public (and the list goes on and on). And I sure am absolute that I'm not the ONLY one.
So with all that, I'll make the effort to change. And this change is NOT merely because I want to please people, it also brings a sense of confidence and acceptance in myself. So I would also be pleased with it. It's a win-win situation.
It's not an act whereby I try to put everything together and please everyone I know, but it also improves my social skills and presentability. So basically if I know I couldn't possibly please EVERYONE around me, might as well I go for second best and try to get the favour of many.
Right now, I seek to not make any more enemies but just remain at friendly terms with everyone.
Even now, I hold my past enemies to a certain degree of respect no matter what horrible crime or injustice they've committed towards me or my loved ones in the past.
Maybe it's in my nature to be very judgmental towards people. It's always based on first impressions and what we see from the naked eye.
Perhaps that is the main underlying reason why I have such an eroded self-esteem.
I am afraid of what people would think of me as much as how I am mentally judgmental towards people (hence many negative things will circulate in my head as i glare at a particular person, questioning his/her background, personality, behavior, etc.)
Yes, and I will admit that I am in fact afraid of what people think of me even though they do not physically or verbally express their disregard. It's always about a flaw in your aspects as a person that could potentially displease someone, something I dislike.
So to put it simply, I fear my own kind.
It's not perfectionism, nobody who walks on the face of this planet could possibly attain such a great feat. It is, in fact, more of a matter of social decency, of acceptance as an individual.
If one person is not happy with you about something, then there is also a possibility that many others also hold problems with what you are like.
For instance, I cannot stand people who smoke in my vicinity, or people who delay the disembarking time on an escalator, or people who are so inconsiderate, rude and indecent in public (and the list goes on and on). And I sure am absolute that I'm not the ONLY one.
So with all that, I'll make the effort to change. And this change is NOT merely because I want to please people, it also brings a sense of confidence and acceptance in myself. So I would also be pleased with it. It's a win-win situation.
It's not an act whereby I try to put everything together and please everyone I know, but it also improves my social skills and presentability. So basically if I know I couldn't possibly please EVERYONE around me, might as well I go for second best and try to get the favour of many.
Right now, I seek to not make any more enemies but just remain at friendly terms with everyone.
Even now, I hold my past enemies to a certain degree of respect no matter what horrible crime or injustice they've committed towards me or my loved ones in the past.
(of course, this still comes with the exception of certain individuals who have absolutely no remorse or regret towards what they had done previously)
For some reason, I feel a sense of calmness and peace that I have at last reconciled and gotten back on good terms with some of them. Though the rest may still continue to walk this Earth in constant rejection, I'll still try my best I can to settle matters.
I know some of you here might think, "Oh pathetic" or "Are you for real?". Well for starters, I've made far more friends than enemies now. As compared to the past, where I had more enemies instead. That's an improvement somewhat.
For some reason, I feel a sense of calmness and peace that I have at last reconciled and gotten back on good terms with some of them. Though the rest may still continue to walk this Earth in constant rejection, I'll still try my best I can to settle matters.
I know some of you here might think, "Oh pathetic" or "Are you for real?". Well for starters, I've made far more friends than enemies now. As compared to the past, where I had more enemies instead. That's an improvement somewhat.
It's just that... it is difficult to live under the shadow of social rejection.
Something I cannot accept easily -- social rejection.
A strange but powerful feeling drawing me towards forging stronger ties with the ones I love and respect, and to rekindle the flames of friendship towards those that I don't. The world already faces alarming levels of hostility and I do not seek to contribute to it further.
Since the world is already in such an apocalyptic state (as they say), what good is there ending your final moments knowing that there still exists a fragment of humanity that does not accept you as you are?
Surely, we cannot please everyone in this world. Even great people have haters. Divine entities. Seperate beliefs and contradictory philosophies only fuel the tension between people.
But it's always much better to have a higher friend count than for enemies. Catch my drift? ;)
And just because I said that, doesn't mean that I believe in the 2012 phenomenon predictions.
Personally, I think that we should just continue to live life and let things happen on its own accord. Whatever happens, happens.
Since the world is already in such an apocalyptic state (as they say), what good is there ending your final moments knowing that there still exists a fragment of humanity that does not accept you as you are?
Surely, we cannot please everyone in this world. Even great people have haters. Divine entities. Seperate beliefs and contradictory philosophies only fuel the tension between people.
But it's always much better to have a higher friend count than for enemies. Catch my drift? ;)
And just because I said that, doesn't mean that I believe in the 2012 phenomenon predictions.
Personally, I think that we should just continue to live life and let things happen on its own accord. Whatever happens, happens.
Seriously, unless this doomsday phenomenon is possibly man-made (Large Hadron Collider -.-) then there's nothing we can do about it really.
Do all you have left in this world, make amends, and finally move on.
NOTE: This isn't an atheistic view of life. Please don't be offended.
So um I guess I'm going to end my boring post here.
Oh, and Merry Christmas everyone (!)
From Santa Clits and his hoe hoe hoe <3
Fiannino departed @ 11:19 PM