Firdaus Eden in 2010

Back fo sho'

2010-08-12T22:16:00.006+08:00

Psst.
Hello everyone, lately I haven't had much time to post anything here. It's been... two months?!
I think some of you may have already unlinked me from your blogs cuz I've been super inactive.
Haha alright, back to business. I'm rotting in the IAD studio now, the block's over and I've got two (and a half) weeks of holiday boredom ahead of me. Not to mention, I'm not allowed to pursue my biggest life hobbies (eating) as the fasting month has commenced and (shopping) because I've got to save up for the New York trip next year.

Oh and did I tell you all that I'm looking my worst now?
My acne has taken my sheer ugliness to a whole new level. That and, my untamed locks. I swear it looks like a combination of a lion's mane and pubic hair. Like seriously, I'm quite disgusted by it myself.
Every time I look in the mirror, I feel like a loser doomed to eternal hideousness (is that a word?)
You can't guess how many times I've sunk into depression because of my looks. I think it's quite evident in my previous posts also hahaha.

Okay I think maybe it serves me right for being so shallow in the past.
But I never was shallow to random people, only to those I disliked who had been judgmental to me themselves. Like, what gives me the right to insult another person's appearance unless they've insulted my physical features themselves first, right?
All's fair in love and war, I guess.
I've pretty much got a beauty regime planned out so that I won't worsen my condition. I'm just hoping that it'll work out because I really have no confidence to do anything right now. Even leaving the house is becoming a chore now.

Other than that, I'm pretty much living the antisocial life now. It's the same cycle on repeat; I drag myself to school and ignore the world, camp in the studio till late night, starve myself and only munch on snacks, and back home to sleep. This goes on from Monday to Saturday and Sunday's schedule is different because I'll (probably) be at home the entire day.
Anyway, I'll further update all of you what's been happening when I get home aite.

I want my old life back, period :(

Blogskin v1.3

2010-06-18T23:00:00.003+08:00

Okay, it's the end of the block as you all can see, hence I'm posting on this long-dead blog.
And I have this strong feeling that I screwed up the subject (MTPre) big time.

Ahh and as you can all see, I have improved the layout of my blog. It's Star Wars-themed now! Go easy on me about the horrible Photoshop edits, I'm still in the learning process.
And there's a reason why. Star Wars: The Old Republic, the highly-acclaimed MMO of 2011, A.K.A the sequel that I had been awaiting for for 5 stinking years, is finally going to be released soon!
I can't wait to get my hands on trying out the game. My hands have been itching for some lightsaber-swinging, force-wielding, gravity-defying and mind-twisting action. It's finally here like yay!
I am definitely going to storm to the game shop the moment it's released, or heck even preorder the game prior to its release date. Yes I am THAT obsessed with it.
(ok geek mode off)

So anyways, a lot of you have been complaining about how you don't understand why I don't have holidays when the other TP-ians do, and how I am constantly preoccupied with work.
First off, allow me to brief everyone about how our block system works:
1 MONTH = 1 BLOCK
1 BLOCK = 1 OR 2 SUBJECTS
For every block completed, we are entitled to a week of holiday.
So if for example I underwent two blocks in a row, I'd have two weeks of holidays after that and vice versa. Usually, the sequence would be like 2 - Break - 3 - Break - 2 - Break - 3 - Break (and the cycle continues till year 3) and because of this, I probably will find much difficulty finding a job.
And I had only just figured out how this system works, would still be in the dark about it had it not been for the Parents' Engagement Night they held. I was one of the retards who actually attended it with my parent, because I feared that my mom would get lost in the school and camp overnight on the cold floors, hungry and desperate (hahaha okay exaggerated much but you guys get what i mean)

Yesterday, I actually went through the pains of sleeping slightly earlier and disciplined myself so that I would wake up at 9.30 am just to await the opening of the CDS registration system at 10 am.
HAHA! Apparently to me, I think it's important because I wouldn't want to end up taking a subject that I'm totally not interested in. Besides, it was on a first-come first-serve basis.
Agreed with Momo and Zen to take up similar choices so we'd increase the probability of ending up in the same classes. Now that's true hoeship, man. For the win.
However, because we had no knowledge of what to do seeing that our Course Manager and Care Persons totally ditched us and told us nuts about all this shiat, the IAD students were all confused.

So my choices were in this particular order:

1. Creative Storytelling

2. Textiles Manipulation & Design

3. Brand Building Strategies

4. Multimedia Fundamentals

5. Visual Presentation Essentials

6. Marketing for Designers

7. Model-Making

Why Creative Storytelling? Simply because I've seen works of senior IAD students being exhibited at different places in school. The way they described their works are simply jaw-dropping. And that's where I thought, "Hey, I wanna write JUST like them!" and hence its placement in the choices.

Oh and sorry Nizam! I just don't like this Model Making shit. Form Exploration already had me literally ripping off my already-screwed locks (refer to the picture above), I wouldn't wanna pain myself with an elective I'd dread going through.

And so much for my 1-week weight loss regime! I was pretty much too lazy and indulgent in my GrandChase to bother getting off the seat and doing even a little exercise, what more head to the gym every day!

But oh well, there are other alternatives to losing weight :)

P/S My "ex" is pissing the shit out of me.

The Return of the Slut.

2010-05-22T21:29:00.001+08:00

HEY I'M BACK BITCHES!

Moved on from the first block to the next, thank god this block only has one module. I was already going to die from FormEx and H&C overdose. If I have to juggle two again, I think I'll just "sit down at one corner and suck a cock", in Yudhis' terms. HAHAHA.

Basically, I didn't really post anything for the past (few) weeks because I've been quite busy and exhausted nowadays. But I found the time now! Yippee.

See the two pictures on top? My efforts. Okay, maybe only 30% of it. The model has many flaws and was very lazily designed. And my room was left in a mess. I'm a horrible designer.

Bring me the whip.

Yesterday was our APEL session, and wow! I must say, Suhan has really changed my perspective towards her. I thought she was a bitch at first but heck, now I think she's pretty awesome!

We shared each other's representations of a certain aspect of their personality, for example I wore a tubetop inside my hoodie and bared it during class to represent "who I am". It doesn't portray me as a drag queen, but rather the confidence and courage to express myself in different ways. I mean, as a matter of fact, a designer cannot be hesitant to convey their inner feelings no matter how embarassing they are.

I mean, look at Gaga. She's a freak but I've got to admit, she's gone far into her career in the entertainment industry thanks to how she conveys and expresses herself!

Oh and back to the topic. During APEL, I won two prizes: a flashing star badge andddddd a Lyra pencil set. Heheh. I really like flashy things, as all my friends can see. Hence my LED watch and the kind of stuff I obsess over.

Anyways, besides that, I've got a new phone! It's an SE W995. Honestly I don't know its functions. HAHAHA. I just know that it has a really powerful camera (8.1 megapixels?) and can store around 8GB of memory in memory card space.

So oh well, I guess I'm happy already.

...Oh, and a Happy Birthday to Diyanah and Swee Sheng! (:

And speaking of happiness, do you guys think I'm ugly?

Been in deep thoughts about this for days on end.

Self-esteem has dropped by 10000000 points.

Look at me, tell me your honest opinions.

True friends stab from the front thanks.

Class field trip much?

2010-04-28T22:58:00.001+08:00

Storyline goes:

1) Firdaus is single, available, bored, desperate and staring at Zila's phone.

2) Sa'ad loves Nizam but their relationship is in a mess. Nizam hides a dark secret.

3) In mad lust, Nizam smooches Firdaus in front of a shocked and hurt Sa'ad.

4) It's a tug of war between Firdaus and Sa'ad for Nizam, and Nizam is in serious pain.

5) In the end, Nizam chose the ever-fabulous Firdaus as Sa'ad drowns his depression in iPhone games. Nurzila and Shafi'ah are featured in this shot. HAHAHA.

(credits to Zila for the pictures)

...And this is what happens when you put DA19 in the National Museum.

Today's been really entertaining. I love History Design & Culture class so much!

But oh well, I'd better start on the new assignments now before I end up suffering at the last minute.

I am pretty much psyched out about doing it right now, ideas are flowing through my head and leaking out of my nostrils and any other open vacant holes. K that sounded wrong, my bad.

Ciaoz ;)

Tuesdays with Fifi.

2010-04-27T22:55:00.002+08:00

IAD FTW \m/

...And this is what happens when you put a bunch of sluts together during a boring three hour break.

That AND being reprimanded time and again by the Library Rangers (we got approached by pink ranger twice zomg ftw much right).

I can't wait to get started on the Design H&C Assignment, and yet don't look forward to the Form Exploration Assignment. Screw that.

BUT I LOVE IAD SO MUCH CANNNNNNN :>

p/s I cannot stand people who excessively use abbreviations to the extent that their sentences look extremely unintelligent e.g. "wat r u doin nw i bored ttm can entrtain mi plz", I'd very much like to shove their middle fingers up their asses, please and thank you.

The Designer-in-training speaks.

2010-04-26T22:44:00.002+08:00

What I've been doing lately:

Design Elements: Space, Line, Balance, Color, Shape, Texture, Form, Unity, Value.

Design Principles: Harmony, Contrast, Repetition, Variety, Dominance, Proportion, Functionality, Proximity.

Honestly, if you were to ask me what their individual definitions are, I'd definitely fail the test. I really need to put more effort into all this memory work.

Then again, my lecturer is pretty much someone who'd dread having to explain things repeatedly. She deliberately ignored my question! I am so miffed. And not to mention, she's pretty vague when it comes to briefing for assignments. Her students = Sure-fail. Or rather, the slower students. Like me.

Burned the midnight oil last night and late into the morning.

So I guess that at this point in time right now, I'm thoroughly drained and exhausted.

I don't really want to talk about or go on about how the day went, all I could say is that it's pretty depressing because when I finally take the initiative and effort to do something, it gets crushed by an evil lecturer.

I've been under constant stress lately because my work is apparently piling up in front of me; specifically, daily journal entries worth a week. Two, in fact. One for each module.

And her constant PMS attitude obviously isn't making life any better for us. Sigh.

Oh, and for the punks who think that Poly life is oh-so slack, please think again.

Just because you see us hanging around 'freely' and spamming snapshots with our cameras or webcams does NOT mean that we have absolute freedom and lots of free time. It's simply a way of sidetracking and getting our mind off the work that's obviously not shown explicitly in front of the camera :)

Oh oh and speaking of which, I finally found out exactly who stole my camera two years ago.

Her fate is sealed, and I sure am glad that whatever she has stolen thus far would definitely not compensate for the future that she has thus lost. That's retribution for being a two-faced bitch.

May she rot in the streets begging for money.

Need I say more? :)

I'm back, everyone.

2010-04-25T23:32:00.000+08:00

Hello readers, Firdaus here.

I guess that I'm back after that extremely long hiatus, I am here to update during my free time but I am uncertain of any ongoing future updates. As most of you may have noticed, school has commenced!

And this means that most of my post-teenage life would be spent in TP, bombarded by an endless armada of assignments and deadlines. Oh, the horror.

Basically, school has been rather entertaining and demoralizing for me. I know, contradicting right?

Firstly I've met a bunch of awesome classmates who are getting along with each other very well already and every day opens a new chapter to our ever-expanding social circle.

However, what demoralizes me is that from now on things won't be easy (nothing is, by default). I have to compete with a bunch of more-than or just-as-talented peers and school assignments and projects would probably eat up much of my outside social life from now on.

We are currently undergoing two modules, which is Design History & Culture and Form Exploration. These classes commence at 9 am to 12 pm, and 3 pm to 6 pm respectively. The three hour break in-between? Wisely spent with my lovely coursemates... I think? Hahaha.

It's only been a week now, but I must say I've had my fair share of experience.

I admit that I am extremely drained from all the rushed and last-minute work I am expected to complete and present. Yet I am still pretty much grateful that the months of endless torment I suffered back at home; bored, underachieved, unmotivated, have finally come to an end. I finally feel the touch being re-established from within me.

Here's the self-motivational boost I've been giving myself (and perhaps others) to remind them about their goals and aspirations in life.

Sure, we may spend sleepless nights rushing through piles of unfinished assignments and spamming Red Bull and perhaps Coffee to keep ourselves awake and active. We may ultimately be detached from our respective social networks to focus on our academical performances and perhaps even go through endless criticism and demoralizing moments that will bring us down. We may be struck down once, twice and go on the brink of giving up.

But remember, at the end of the day, we have made friends who would be willing to help each other get back on their feet to once again stand proud and strong. We've been there and done that so we're prepared for the challenges that lie further ahead. Most importantly, at the end of the day, we finally grasp the dream that we've been reaching out for since the time we've set foot in TP (or perhaps earlier): to become a successful Designer.

Yes, every day I wake up and tell that to myself. I am proud to be in TDS, where many have been denied opportunities to pursue an education here. That I'm one of the 'lucky few' who managed to enter even with an 'O' level aggregate deemed average.

Definitely, I will not let this chance go to waste.

This is the last time to prove myself. I shall not make the same mistakes I made in the past.

I am a changed person. I am Firdaus. Interior Architect/Wedding Planner.

(L)

Confusions & Conflicts.

2010-03-12T23:05:00.001+08:00

Elite Drama kids, let me ask you:
What exactly defines us as the the 'Elite'?
What sets us apart from the rest?
Our special bond. Our undying relationship.
Ultimately, it's not about those orgies or the mutual vulgarities.
It's the love we have for each other. The will to strive, fight and achieve... together.

So please, stop acting like children and just get along already.
We've got enough conflicts outside our social circle, don't bring in anymore.
Oh, and don't blame any particular person for triggering these chains of events, all of us had played a part and contributed to this dilemma somehow.
The question is... are you people willing to hear the truth and accept it?
Only weaklings and those in denial will shun away comments and advice given by their very own friends. And running away from your problems as a resolve? Mature, really.
Just grow up already.

...Seriously, what is becoming of us?
Never in my days in Greenview had I thought that all of us would end up like this.
Shattered, lost, seperated.
I hope everything will come to a resolve soon.

Miss you all.

xoxo

Epiphany.

2010-03-10T23:50:00.001+08:00

The reason why I love KARA.

Hara and Nicole are so hot.
If I were a girl, I'd kill to have those looks.
Oh well, maybe not literally.
But you get what I mean.
(spazzes)

I'mma keep my posts relatively short and simple these few upcoming days.
Because my life's pretty much been a straight boring road. Unentertaining, underachieved, leading to nowhere. Sigh. School, why won't you start earlier?

These holidays haven't been very kind to me.

I miss school. I miss Drama. I miss my classmates. I miss (some of) my teachers.
:(

Piss outzxcz.

Busy busy busy.

2010-03-08T22:41:00.001+08:00

A lot of things happened throughout the span of my absence!

Tuesdays with Sab @ Tampines Sports Hall Gym
Over to cousin's place @ Simei to chillszxcz
Mass-Animarathons @ Midnight
Blogshop Mania & Online job-hunting @ Cyberworld!
Shopping spree with Deena @ Queensway, Peninsula & Bugis
Temporary weekend job @ Geylang Serai with Sab
Helped out with distant aunt's marriage ceremony @ Jurong
Poly enrolment procedures @ Many places

Most importantly...
Self-reflection sessions @ Home

Actually, prior to this, I've written as-of-yet unpublished posts.
I'm still contemplating on whether or not to publish them because I was angry while writing the stuff out. Then again, I'm ALWAYS angry at something.
But these things aren't the usual trivial matters. They're serious and could spark numerous controversies in one way or another. I just might have to post it in the private blog instead.
Oh and lately, my Laptop/Internet's been fucked.
Pardon me if I suddenly die out on you or if I spam login alerts on MSN. My bad, dearies.

p/s i feel like smashing this laptop by hurling it at the hard concrete. useless piece of junk.

The Irony.

2010-02-16T23:14:00.003+08:00

I've just found out something.
Two girls whom I used to like in Primary School (who rejected me) actually liked me back after I had long gotten over them. One confessed to the rumours and one is really damn obvious.
It was a similar case for this girl I also observed from afar a few years back. And this guy back from when I was still a bisexual. Life sucks, doesn't it :/
But oh well, I'm not the one liking me. It's them. I was waaaay over them already.
-.-

But amidst all that, I'm still grateful that God didn't grant me good looks.
I could bet you that if I were a really pretty girl/handsome boy I'd be a mega-slut/nympho. Seriously.
I would probably get myself involved in flings and abuse my charms. And I would have probably stayed bisexual for life (i think?). Luckily I wasn't made beautiful. And thank heavens I wasn't made a girl. Hahahah.
(don't imagine me as a promiscuous whore please, i've done that and it was my biggest regret yet. oh the horror)

Anyways, I've come here to remind myself about the things I want to get by the end of this year (not that i'm buying them all at one shot, that's insane).
Because if I don't put it up as a constant reminder SOMEWHERE, it'll never happen.

(left to right and downwards)

1) Lleitmoif "Just Got Orange" Plaid Shirt
2) Silver Metallic Fashion Gloves
3) J.Lo "Glow after Dark" Eau De Toilette
4) Sony Ericsson Satio
5) Black-White Mix Star Headphones
6) Purple-Black Beanie Hat
7) White Casual Belt
8) ODM Dog Tag Watch
9) Adidas JS Wings (the wings are fken cool)
10) White Dr. Martens Inspired Boots
11) Some Awesome Brooch
12) Martin Margiela Shades
13) Burberry-Inspired Camera Bag
14) Prada Messenger Bag
15) Purple Hoodie from Hito Shop
16) Black Hoodie from Hito Shop

The pains is in FINDING some of the stuff, I don't even know where to start. And some must even be ordered through online means and shipped here because they're not locally available.
And yup, there'll be a supermassive black hole in my wallet after buying all those things but yo, No Pain No Gain right? ;)
(oh and don't bother about telling me how outdated i am to want these things now because fashion knows no boundaries. it's my style, i like it whenever i want, use it whenever, and you have no say in what i want to dress up like)

I've been trying to find a purple mesh cap since last year. I think, if my memory serves me right, I spotted one at Century Square. I am soooo getting one.
...And speaking of mesh caps! You know, that "floating cap" trend is actually an awesome fashion statement. I absolutely adore it. Just that, it gets very affiliated to matreps and thus all the labelling begins.
It's like saying "That girl hangs out with so many boys. She's probably a slut."
Just because you wear a floating cap, doesn't mean you're a matrep. I've got non-matrep friends who follow that trend and I just think that they look drop-dead gorgeous. Hahah. So thy shalt not judge by appearance, but by character. Capiche?
(but i'm still against that eyebrow-shaving fad, it was never nice in the first place. god gave you eyebrows, why shave them off?)

p/s people who call themselves bitches in the sort of praisy way and really mean it are such losersz.

Piss outz.

End of Work.

2010-02-15T22:19:00.004+08:00

Finally, I've completed the assigned project and am no longer working!!!
I, Firdaus, hereby declare that I shall no longer work under Shop N Save (or TBC HR Consulting) ever again. This is provided that I'm tasked to do jobs that I dislike at an underpaid rate. Otherwise, I might just reconsider.
Heheh. Call me a spoilt brat, try being in MY shoes for a month.

Oh, you don't know how much I dreaded going to work each day.

1) Up at 6, every single day is a new adventure... and a new scolding from mom with a new reason for living -.-

2) The journey to and fro kills 30 minutes, I have to push through the crowds that are also making their way to work and avoid the killer winds that could potentially mess up my hair at all times.

3) The moment I arrive at work, the first face that I would usually see is Ciliro's, and that is my supervisor (i want to add something really racist here, but i'm refraining from it lol). Way to drain my energy by 50%. The sight of him really makes my blood boil.

4) Starting off at work, I'd probably have to pack the flames (PAK DER PLAMES) or fuji apples (PUJI AH-PEARLS) because they're always having offers (OPPIRS) for those products. The words in brackets are the supposed pronunciations from my supervisor who is a tad English illiterate. We have a huge communication barrier there.

5) Sometimes, I'd have to clear the stocks behind BY MYSELF thanks to my lazy supervisor who doesn't even help me. What did he do? Just stand at the counter displaying the fruits. Oh and mind you, he did so like the world revolved around him. Probably to buy time for himself hoping that I'd be done with the stocks and having decreased his workload to a minimal.

6) Teet teet teet tit. Manning the vegetable-weighing counter is so much fun! Usually from No. 6 onwards, workload tones down a little so not much strenuous activites there.

7) Help out the aunties.

8) Ignore Ciliro all the way until dismissal or sometimes, until the next day. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Superbly easy job (Y)

9) Sign off, say goodbye to everyone except Ciliro and head back home under the sweltering heat and annoying winds. What I had just realized is that all this while, I had been doing things wrongly. By actuality, I was supposed to tick 'sign out' and go to an appointed Team Leader to ask for a signature of approval. What I did was to sign out and sign it myself!
(hey it's not my fault. they didn't brief me about it properly)

I've always preferred the night shifts because I can see Nenek Soyah (not keropok). She's like, so fun and understands (even shares) my hatred for Ciliro.
We always bitch about him and poke fun at his ridiculous mustache and Phillipino accent because it's so hilarious. Come on, I've had Phillipino friends and even their accents aren't as weird as his.
Yeah, so she's what makes my job so awesome and entertaining. If not for her, I'd be a very miserable employee at work :(
Not to mention, she helps me a lot at work and even briefs me properly about how to do things right (unlike my team leader and supervisor, who apparently have this habit of giving me vague commands expecting me to understand them).
And she's been working for SNS for like, 14 years already. She mentioned Ciliro working for only 1 year and being granted that position so she was like wtf (?) She was also granted that position actually but she rejected it because it meant more work and she was already pretty old. Not to mention, the pay was still the same.
Oh, and I saved the best for last. Night shift means...
NO CILIRO!!! WHOOHOOOOOOO!!!!
(omg i'm so mean i'm like defaming him hahah but who cares, i bet he doesn't even know the law)

Okay so, for my work experiences, on the positive note, I've become much more knowledgeable about fruits and vegetables and I guess that I've made new friends even though they're just old aunties.
Bad thing about it is that the orders that my superiors give me are all so vague. Let me give you an example:

TL: Ah boy ah?
F: Yes?
TL: You go take this one hor (point to box), stack on top that one (points to another box), I want like this (does a weird hand gesture that symbolizes three rows). After that you take that box (points to a different box) and put there (points to a huge space near the object)
F: (stares) There's no space for three rows. And which part of the space should I put that box at?
TL: (facepalm) Aiyah you ah! Don't understand my orders.
F: -.-

After which it always ends up with me doing it wrongly, getting scolded for it and having to do the entire thing all over again. Argh.

But THE most infuriating experience(s) I've had there is with Ciliro.
I can't believe that I called him "Sir" for the first few days as a mark of respect. Thinking back, it was so degrading for me to assert him as my superior, please.
There are two, as far as I can remember.

1) Usually the job of carrying the loads and storing them in the chiller/bringing them to the counter is left to Ciliro. But since I was there, he asked me to instead. So I did.
Throughout the entire time, I did the heavy strenuous work alone. At the back of my head, I was cursing at him. "Where the hell is that ____?" For one, I was a newbie. Obviously I wasn't used to carrying heavy shit like that UNLIKE him.
Secondly, he was supposed to help me. I was not permitted to leave that place until everything was cleared because there were new stocks coming. I had absolutely no time to waste.
I even had to push the Huge Trolley thingo by myself (usually you'll need two people to push that big baby) because no one helped me! I was so pissed on that day.
After I cleared everything, he came. Auntie Rekha leaned over and said something about "stupid lazy man" but I wasn't sure about whether or not she was referring to Ciliro.
I guess that vitriolic comment did somewhat made the rest of my work slightly satisfactory. The thought of someone sharing my hatred for him did make me happy. :D

2) Oranges and Tangerines are two different fruits. Just because they LOOK the same and come from the same family of fruits DOESN'T mean that they're the same.
It's just like you telling me that Green Capsicum = Red Capsicum. Makes no sense right?
So, this dumb person here asked me to go get "Oranges" from the chiller. There were around... three boxes of them? I went through all the trouble of heading to the back, digging through the other items for the oranges and then carrying them one-by-one to my trolley outside.
(and mind you, they weren't very light)
After which, I was openly-humiliated in front of customers and other superiors because I "misunderstood" his order. Oh, I heard it loud and clear alright.
Turned out that he meant the tangerines. Seriously? Oranges and Tangerines are two different things. Tangerines are mostly smaller and have less seeds. Oranges are bigger and tend to have more seeds.
I didn't want to be ridiculed openly without a fight, so I took a packet of tangerines and an orange. Shoved the label saying "Tangerines China" at his face, followed by orange.
SEE THE DIFFERENCE?
Mofo.

I'm going to miss Auntie Kim Kee, Auntie Nancy, Auntie Ong Ho(e), Auntie Rekha, Nenek Soyah and Ah Zhong very very much. And the rest of the crew whose names I do not know.
I may just miss Ivy, Maggie and Michael.
I'm definitely NOT going to miss Ciliro.

Oh, did I mention that halfway throughout the project, nearing the Chinese New Year period, I got shifted to the orange-selling area?
It's much warmer there because it's near the blazing hot entrance.
So after that, my duties totally got switched. I was no longer stationed at the F&V counter packing the grapes and fuji apples, but promoting oranges.
(a colleague of mine sarcastically suggested that i juggle oranges to promote them and just to try it out, i actually did. epic fail sia)
Attracted a lot of attention there because of my actions. You know lah, when I stand I cannot stand still. Must "shake here lean there", some random guy approached and asked if I was modelling for oranges and I was like HUH -.-

So on-duty there, I met a couple of nice appreciative customers and also customers who give off horrible BFs (bitch-fits).
Promoting oranges is really tough work. I'm so glad I made it through all that.
Some customers could actually see that I was miserable at work. Colleague interaction was pretty much minimal, that's why. On a positive note, Ciliro hadn't bothered me for the week I had been stationed there! Haha.
Throughout the process of selling, I had to lie quite a fair bit just to promote them. Some customers were really nice and sincere. It really took me on a long guilt trip and I hoped that they wouldn't come back with complaints.
And FML, this job doesn't pay commission. Big turnoff there :/

Lukam - These oranges have a smooth texture, are usually the juiciest but have the disadvantage of not lasting very long due to their thin skins. However, they are usually preferred in terms of taste as they are the sweetest and have the least number of seeds. Provided that they are stored under the proper conditions (in the refrigerator) and kept in their packagings, these oranges would be able to last (though not to the extent of Swatow).

Swatow - These oranges are the most unpleasant in appearance, are usually accompanied by black dirt pigments that may resemble fungus and are widely criticized by those who seek oranges for displaying purposes. But due to its rough texture and thick skin, the Swatow is preferred in terms of longevity. In addition to that, they have that natural (sour) orange zest, and are sweet (though not as sweet as the Lukam).

Pakistan - These oranges have shiny, smooth and somewhat thicker skin than the Lukam. They are mostly used for displaying purposes, because in terms of convenience for eating, they contain the most number of seeds, and are usually bittersweet (and, sometimes, sour). Not really much of the preference for traditional Chinese family because it's from Pakistan. Most of them would want their oranges from China.

So after this, I've got an estimated 800 bucks heading my way. A little underpaid there after all the hard work I did but, ah heck. Better than nothing.
I've already pretty much planned out what to do with it. And I must say, it ain't pretty.
In this plan, the word "Savings" is non-existent.
That's all you need to know.

Luv luv luv.

2010-02-08T17:42:00.000+08:00

The events that have been happening lately, finally made me realize things and I found my true self.
People may think I have high standards in a dream partner (everyone does, by actuality). The way to do it is just to settle with what is closest to your set "prerequisites", right?
So based on what I want, I've pretty much noted down most of the things.
To not raise controversy, I shall not post up two of the points because SOME people might get all assertive and bombard me with insults. Hahahah critics.

Most importantly, someone who shares common ground at the very least.
I don't want a girlfriend who smokes/drinks/does drugs/tattoos/sex.
Retards/Immature brats/Hypocrites/Critics are a definite no-no.
She must have a decent sense of fashion, and must be fairly meaty and not too skinny.
Intelligence is a plus, mannerisms is a must.
No racism (she doesn't have to be malay), a little craziness is okay.
A good sense of humour with average leadership qualities.
Pacifistic and anti-violence.
Fuck superiority complexes, both partners should be equal.
Proficiency in English preferred. I don't care about other languages HAHAHA.
Not too clingy/cheesy, must be independent on her own even in my absence.
Must not get jealous easily because I gay with other boys and get close to other girls.
Hygiene-wise, of course she's gotta have good personal grooming habits ;)

For the past few days, I had this test-drive relationship.

And I must say, I couldn't stand the pressure. No offence or anything, but just a few hours into the relationship I lost my mood/appetite and, not to mention, the self-diagnosed atrial fibrillation symptoms came back. Reallllly one hell of a crash relationship.
Apparently, what annoyed me the most was that the other party repeatedly attempted reversed psychology on me. Seriously, now that is what makes me so irritated.

So within less than a day (or perhaps exactly) into a relationship, I kinda broke it off. Heehee, you were right to say I didn't love you. Stop saying it like as though we've been together for years. I'm not being arrogant or anything, but even my best friend thinks you're annoying.

Mind you, she rarely is against things like these. In fact, never except this once.

It's not love. It's infatuation. Admit it. And sorry, you're too clingy and boring. I also hate people who jump into a relationship in such a short time period after just knowing each other.

Desperate much?

I know you're probably reading this, I just want you to know that

In actuality, I never liked you. So leave me alone period.

Birthday Surprises + Incest Camwhores.

2010-01-31T13:26:00.001+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday, Haryani Rohaidah!

My hair has been driving me insane lately. Who would've thought that it would get so puffy?
Anyways, on Thursday, I headed to my cousin's house in Woodlands after work for a (failed) surprise Birthday Party.
As you can see from the pictures above (and the more less-glam ones in facebook), we had a pretty active camwhoring session there. HAHAHA.
Yeah, I loved the food. It really ruined my diet plans (like a reversed crash diet) but the important thing is, my sweet tooth is temporarily nullified.
Or else, I'd have to suffer craving over them. I guess that's one burden off my shoulders for the meantime. But another burden is shedding off the extra weight I put on after that glutton moment. Teehee. Oh well.

Hmmm, how was work these few weeks? Pretty draining. I actually took afternoon naps! Can you believe that?!
(i've never actually enjoyed taking afternoon naps because they ruin my sleep pattern)
But you know what keeps me going, especially during those strenuous load-carrying and constant standing duties? The money!
...
And no, I'm not moneyfaced. It's just a matter of me needing it for buying new things. Dee and I have been eyeing this awesome leather jacket (and tons of other neat apparel), I've gotta get my hair done before school is back in session, my mom's birthday is coming, and there are just so many things I need to get before school starts again.
Johor (Cheap) Shopping Spree~

Oh and I've got like, truckloads of things to say about my workplace but I shall be good and wait until the contract ends before I do so!

But for now, I guess I'm off to work. I'm on an evening shift today, all the way till 9pm.
NIGHTS, PEOPLE! :D

The Results.

2010-01-27T22:04:00.001+08:00

It seems that, once again, God has altered fate as it has for me.
Looks like from where it's going right now, I won't be able to pursue a career in Media.
Instead, it's more of me picking up one of my discarded childhood dreams from the old recycle bin and fixing it up now. Really? I never would've thought things would turn out like this.

Back during the days, when we were still young kids, dumb and naive, I kept a dream. A dream amongst many other dreams, I never thought this would be one I would ultimately get.
Now that my fate is set, it seems that the only way I will survive in this world is to give my all and live this long-forgotten dream.
To be a well-renowned Interior Designer and Wedding Planner.

What a pity though. Such a design-based course takes no heed to my linguistic skills. Then again, there are always CCAs to polish and showcase these supposedly "unwanted" feats.
And on a positive note, at least I need not travel to and fro from Pasir Ris all the way to Ngee Ann Polytechnic in Clementi every single day. That saves me the trouble of waking up early, sacrificing CCA experiences due to time constraints and also the amount of time wasted each day which could be used to do much more constructive activities.
Yup. And I sure as hell am certain that along the way, I can finally brush up my underutilized Artistic streaks and at the same time, obtain skills in home design.

Friends, I have already made up my mind. All of you may have looked at me once like all I was interested in was Media, the Publicity and all. You're right about that to a certain extent. I do like all that shit but I'm not just confined to those.
What you all don't see is that I foster secret ambitions to pursue much more greater things. I remained constrained to pursuing Media and Media ONLY because above all, I thought it had been the most attainable, the most sensible and most importantly, the most beneficial.

You don't know how I am subject to a diverse range of ambitions; as virtually impossible as becoming a doctor to becoming an artist. Really, there are a lot of things, perhaps millions of them, that I want to do in this world.
This further hardens the decisions I make. It's always in the mindset of "I want to do this, but I still want to do that... And this too!". But then again, never mind all that.
I guess that right now, at this point in time, there isn't any time for regret and disappointment any more. God has set me on my destined path. I shall have to accept fate as it is.
Alhamdulillah, thanks to him, I wouldn't have gotten this far.

Even though I'm not able to utilize and showcase my dual forte here, it is already good to be able to at least apply one of them in this field of excellence. And yes, I'm being very optimistic towards things as they are now.
Like what Hidayat mentioned in our short but brief conversation,

"Life's a shit sandwich, and everyone's got to take a bite even if just once."

Make the best out of what you've got, let passion motivate you and success inspire you. In the end, I guess shifting all this Media shiz aside is pretty worth it.
That doesn't mean I'm discarding them forever, though. I'll retrieve it back when the time is right. I still believe that even though my ambitions are distance apart, I will find a way to balance out how I want to live life.

"Complacency is always the enemy"

Yours truly,
your neighbourhood Wedding Planner/Media Enthusiast:

Firdaus Eden

p/s watching PCK to sublimate all my frustrations, the Rosie fart scenes are really ftw. Hahahaha this kept me entertained and distracted amidst all the devastation.

Work work work (!)

2010-01-24T22:02:00.002+08:00

Hello, my darling hores.
You may be wondering why I have been absent a lot lately.
No, it's not because of Granado Espada (though that may be a valid reason somewhat).
I've landed a job at...
SHOP N SAVE (!!!)

Usually I wouldn't even mention something like this because it's very degrading for me but um, I guess that pretty much everyone I know knows about it.
Even Mr Roger Lim wtf? He asked me about it when I returned to school to grab my recommendation letter from Mdm Rohanah. And he wouldn't tell me how he knows.
Probable Speculation: Mr Jawahir saw me there and told everyone about it. Either that, or Jolly Roger personally saw me working there. But let's just skip that for now.
Okay first off, let me share my personal working experiences there at Shop 'N' Save.
NOTE: I'm not gonna tell you where though, or else you may end up provoking me like Khai did on my first day, god I totally regretted that moment -.-

My agency, TBC HR Consulting, sent me to work there under the Groceries department.
Groceries, meaning your toiletries, canned food, snacks etc.
Unfortunately, during my arrival, they stationed me at the F&V (Fruits and Vegetables) department! At first, I was damn miffed because I hated vegetables.
Trust me, I couldn't tell the difference between a sweet potato and ginger AND also between cabbage and cauliflower. Like, I don't eat those things. And I don't plan to either. Whatevs.
The first time I was stationed there, I guess I was pretty much ridiculed repeatedly by my superiors (not intentionally) for knowing little about these things.
On a positive note, this relatively new exposure does give me knowledge and experience in the vegetables corner. For example, what they are called, how to check whether or not they are fresh/bad and the different types/categories.
I like Maggie, Nancy and unnamed auntie (my superiors). They're so nice, they pardoned my mistakes because I was still a newbie and were really friendly!

And mind you, I've a hell's load of mean things to say right now, but let's just reserve it for later after my contract ends. I wouldn't want to risk termination, especially after working for 5 long days already.
At first, I dreaded going to work and contemplated on lodging a complaint to the agency for a breach of contract (because had i seen 'f&v' instead of 'groceries' stated in the contract, i might have not agreed to it).
But then I decided to give things a try and now, I guess it's pretty much working out.
My duties at the F&V counter are to help pack and arrange the fruits and vegetables, attend to customers needs and to carry the stocks from the cargo hold.
It may seem easy for all of you (like i did before), but trust me: my arms are aching.
Nevertheless, I'm kind of enjoying the job. Thanks to all this exposure, I get to know the different types of fruits I never thought ever existed! Hahaha.

However, the challenging part is the arranging of stocks and the memorizing of item codes.
You know like, when you (or your mom, let's say), want to purchase a certain vegetable (for instance, bean sprouts aka "taugeh"). She'll pack how much she wants in a plastic bag, and bring it over to the counter to weigh and price.
Yeah, part of my duty is to man that counter and entertain your mom. Ok that sounds wrong on so many levels but you get what I mean right? :l
There are MANY DIFFERENT kinds of fruits and vegetables, and each one of them have special codes that we are expected to memorize (even i, as a temporary employee have to do it).
I do remember the more common ones like:

Tomato - 173
Cucumber - 484
Sweet Potato - 838

Cabbage (Small) - 123 (THE EASIEST! :D)
Broccoli - 1052

Ginger - 1082
Banana (Phillipines) - 346

As far as I know, those few are the only ones I've got at the back of my head. I've still yet to get used to the rest.
Yeah, unfortunately I have to handle pork as well. It's not so common for people to buy it and come over to weigh them but there are such instances that take place.
And luckily for me, I'm kind of excused from remembering the codes because like I said, such occurences are pretty rare. Even my superiors have to refer to the sheet most of the time!
One woman actually came by and waited for my superior to return in fear of offending me.
And I thought that was really considerate of her! Those are the kind of customers I love and wouldn't mind serving. Hahah.

So as for the more negative experiences, let me give all of you guidelines on what NOT to do in the supermarket that can potential piss the employees off:
1) Do NOT ask us dumb irrelevant questions like "This banana grow from which farm ah? Under what conditions and where is the main plantation place located at?". Seriously, who effing cares. Bananas are bananas. You eat them, they become shit. That's final.
2) Do NOT ask us the location of certain things when you JUST stepped into the department. Sheesh, have the courtesy and effort to look for them yourselves first can?
3) Do at least say THANK YOU or at least SMILE. If you sour pussy-faced customers expect and emphasize so much on "QUALITY CUSTOMER SERVICE", please have the kindness to at least reciprocate/initiate it first. Capiche?
4) Do NOT disarrange our neat fruit masterpieces unnecessarily. If you don't wanna buy them, THEN DON'T TOUCH THEM. It wasn't easy stacking those fruits nicely. Sadly some customers think that it's a fun game of Jenga -.-

'O' level results are... OUT!

2010-01-12T23:03:00.001+08:00

Guys, thanks for everything. Really.
To those who gave me the motivation and encouragement to study, the will and tenacity to pursue my dreams in life and those who never gave up on me no matter what the odds.
Thanks for all the support, the consolation, the love and understanding all of you have given me. Furthermore, at a crucial and emotionally unstable time like this, it had really helped a lot.

For that, once I again, I would like to thank you.

But more importantly, I would like to thank the special people who've really made impacts to my academical performance and maturity towards education.

Thanks to all my teachers; Mrs Chua for being the best English teacher around. Seriously, out of all the other English teachers, you're the most humble.
You've got patience. You've got a great sense of humour and understanding. Definitely, even though you're more specialized in Accountancy and could've had better job prospects, I really appreciate that you still remained as an English teacher and continued your passion for teaching.
And thank you for helping to support the little ladder that ultimately led me to grasp that A1 I've always wanted. I'm eternally indebted to you.
I'm sorry for sleeping through (some) of your classes and not handing up (some) of your work. I hope someday you'll find the heart to forgive me. Love you always!

Mr Roger Lim, you've been my teacher since Sec 2 and you're really one of the people that I am going to miss most.
For a teacher, you've definitely earned a large degree of my respect. You're a really caring and understanding person who can even take the hardest of jokes.
But you know how to maintain firm when time calls for it. You've made me more humble, more patient and socially-inclined with your positive demeanor. Truly, you're like one of my role models in life.
You've also made me realize that things change and we've got to accept them as they are. We can't ALWAYS have our way. Thanks for helping me advance one step in maturity.
And Deena, stfu hahaha.

Mr Rahman, you are one of the funnest, clumsiest, forgetful teacher I ever had. AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT :D
You've also become somewhat my inspiration. You've showed us all that it takes strong will and determination to continue living, and I admire you for that. A lot.
Undoubtedly, you touched all our hearts with your life story. You really worked hard to support yourself and your parents, your sibling, and showed us the true spirit of being a teacher.
Because of you, I have also awakened the passion in me to become a teacher... just like you :)

Mdm Rohanah, I definitely had lots of fun knowing you better and all through the Mumbai Exchange Programme.
Though I must agree you're better as a parent/friend rather than a teacher, you are someone who is certainly fun to be around with, helpful during times of crisis and not to mention, a person who can be looked up to as a guru for personal advice.
Of course, I regret laughing at you randomly with Hidayah during class and causing mischief. You turned out to be a very nice person after all.

Mrs Yeoh, you are strangely someone whom I turned out to be fond of despite the fact that I do not like people with such a serious and fierce demeanor.
Out of everyone else, you're different, you make us fearful of you, you make us respect you, and also make us love you at the same time. You're like 4E5's motherly figure.
Your teaching methods have certainly got my approval, as the things you taught us have stayed in my head. And mostly, for good. I like that.
You're one of the teachers I definitely won't forget in the years to come, because you've made quite a large impact on my life. Thank you for that :)

Mr Latiff, your actions and jokes are kind of funny (although they can be lame at times).
Ultimately, you helped me achieve an A2 in D&T, it's my fault for neglecting your teachings else I would have grasped an A1. But you really helped us a lot.
Although you're quite antisocial and a tad diva at times, you're still a fun teacher to be taught by!
I'll miss you entering our class with your signature "All right D&T students can you please line up outside now" everytime. Classic mannnnn. (Y)

Miss Lau, I certainly do not regret giving you a second chance and not turning away (especially after you made us write some long sentence 200 times back in sec 1 although we didn't know you).
You turned out to be someone who's carefree, loving and generous.
Sorry if I might have fallen asleep during your lessons and stuff like that, but you have somewhat changed me for the better. One of your 'talks' really gave me a wake-up call about the important things in life.
For that, I thank you dearly.

To Cikgu Aida and Cikgu Jawahir (maybe) for teaching me Malay, despite the fact that I despise the language, really you've brought up some degree of interest in me towards it. Even though I didn't score as well, your efforts are always appreciated.
You've also taught me that I shouldn't be too complacent, to try my best and to appreciate what is already given. Most importantly, to still accept the fact that I am a Melayu even though I am not very fluent in my Mother Tongue.

To Mabel Cheong: I DIDN'T NEED YOUR TEACHINGS AND I DID WELL IN MATH TAKE THAT! (though i must credit you for the free exam papers you gave but mostly it was my own effort)
Ok I'll be nice and dedicate something for you too k.
Ummm you're a kind person when you're not a teacher. When you are, you suck.
And if you're contented with your looks, you should be happy without it, and not care what people say about it. Don't you think so?
:D

To Tan Woon Wee: You're going down, bitch.

So anyways... the moment I returned home (or rather, when the results were released), I was bombarded with messages, calls and congratulatory wishes from my loved ones.
That moment was the most important moment of my life, for it had made me become more humble and accept reality as it is.
For those who kept me in their prayers, I cannot express how grateful I am towards you. Really, you guys will forever be in my prayers as well :)
But honestly, I don't think I deserved the congratulatory gifts. Really, I don't think I have the right to accept them. I didn't do my best, I slacked, I could've done better. :(
My mom seems really happy with what I got, somehow. That adds to the fact that I feel really horrible right now.

But the main problem now is... which course I am going to join. That's a really fierce decision.

And you know how old people are. And their 'fixed' mindsets.
"As long as you enroll in a course related to IT or Engineering (or better yet, a junior college), then you have a secure future ahead of you."
My mom was all like "join IT/Engineering! If I were your mother-in-law and I found out you were from IT/Engineering I'd definitely let you marry my daughter"
and I was like o.o "No way".
She's been pestering me to take an Engineering course. But knowing that I have little passion for it and that I absolutely detest Math, I am currently hesitating.

What I want right now (and have passion for) is Mass Comm, but I'm kinda having second thoughts about it now. Sucks, right? :l
Anyways, thanks again to the people who pledged to support me and cheer me on no matter what decisions I make. Really guys, you're the best I can ever have.
:')

p/s to those mtherfckers who read this post just to find out my score, too bad. you gotta ask me personally.
p/s/s to those people who didn't make it, you don't have to care what people say about you. it's your life, you're paying for your own education, you are the pioneer of your own future. fuck what the others have to say and go on with life. shine with passion and emerge victorious :)

Post-'O' level panic attacks.

2010-01-10T23:38:00.001+08:00

I am so afraid right now.
Really, everyone else is pretty much chilling out except me. Probably because they gave their "best" for all 4 years in school while I didn't? Sigh.
I guess I'm just gonna have to accept the fact that I got screwed hard by the English paper and again during the Math paper where I left two major questions entirely blank.
But I know that I did my very best (sort of) for the Math paper and I wasted away the Humanities papers (both of them) by itself through paying minimal attention to it.
(there is still hope for math but humanities is definitely a sure-fail, period)

It's all mixed feelings right now.
I'm anxious, nervous, excited, and fearful.
It's one of the most unhealthiest combinations in the most dangerously concentrated doses I've ever had in my entire life... literally.
They say too much of this isn't good for you. But what the heck. It's not like I can control it.

How do I put this in words...

I want to know how well (or horribly, rather) I performed, but at the same time I'd prefer to not know that I had failed myself, my family, my friends, and possibly my dreams.
For the entire day, all that has been going through my mind is 'O' levels, past memories, 'O' levels, the possible career opportunities for me, 'O' levels, my deteriorating health, 'O' levels, hopelessness...
Oh, the suspense is killing me.

At this point I just want to know whether I failed and forfeited the competition, or have the potential to stay in the game and push further.
Really, if I failed, I'm out of the competition with my smart-ass cousins. If I succeed, I may actually carry the potential to continue competing with them.
While it would be a relief to have the burden taken off my back, I'd also feel really horrible because I know that I could've done better than that.
I don't deserve to be in my dad's bloodline. I'm not as smart and hardworking as they are.
Yes I admit, I've been lazy. I AM LAZY. Lazy-ass Fifi.

I've even tried putting my mind in enjoying a game of Granado Espada (hence my absence these past few days/week), but at this point in time even that isn't enough to soothe my tattered heart's condition.
Even binging doesn't really work anymore. I've lost my appetite already.
Zairul tried to pull me into smoking (hahaha you ass), but no there are better ways to die than through smoking. And as if I don't look ugly enough. I wouldn't wanna spoil my looks any further. It's definitely a no-no. People who smoke because of stress are stupid.
(no offence zairul, you smoke because you like it)
If you want me to describe how I feel like inside, I can say that the sensation is like someone ripping out my innards into shreds, and then putting it back together only to repeat the process again and again.
I feel so vulnerable right now, had a total of three emotional breakdowns throughout the day.
I had never ever thought I was capable of unleashing these emotions under such instances.
Why didn't a similar scenario take place during PSLE? Because I didn't take it seriously and now I am? Gee, the irony.
So I guess that for now, the only ideal approach is to pray hard.

Someone... please take this new breed of stress away.
Hoes, friends and family, thanks for the moral support you've given me.
I really needed that a lot. Thanks to everyone who prayed for my success.
May your souls be protected by the mercy of the Most Benevolent and the angels who serve him.

Chocolates. Donuts. Candy. Argh.

2010-01-02T23:34:00.000+08:00

I will cut down on eating junk food.

Look at your EZ-link card and constantly remind yourself.

Do you want to go back to the past?

I will try to stop eating junk food.

Seriously, look at yourself in the mirror now.

I can see the layers of fat on your belly, your legs.

I will refrain from eating junk food.

Someone actually called you fat!

You should be realll proud of yourself.

I will obliterate junk food from my daily routines.

When people spank your ass, it actually wobbles like jelly.

Flip through those fashion magazines, don't those models have killer abs?

I never knew junk food existed.

Really, when are you going to ever find someone who'd like you with that body?

There are dozens of other better-looking guys out there.

Junk food? What's that?

Good. Now push it to the limit. Do your best.

The results will be worth it. Trust me.

For the record, I'm not anorexic. I am really fat.

Let this monologue be a constant reminder to never neglect my innermost desires.

Starting from today, I shall make an effort!

...after I finish this box of chocolates my aunt got me.

Aww man.

A New Year calls for Resolutions.

2010-01-01T23:49:00.000+08:00

Fifi Reborn: v20.10 upgrade (!)

Remember last year's resolutions?
Well, for one, I am very proud to announce that I have fulfilled six out of eight I wrote down.
(what a bummer i didn't give it my best for my 'o's. i guess that academically, i'm just not driven)

But yeah, I guess I'm pretty much glad that the year is all over and done with.
From now onwards, everyone will be taking one giant leap ahead. 10 days from now, the results that would ultimately determine our absolute futures will be announced.
I'm half-psyched out and half- fearful, actually.
I know that I performed at the peak of my ability for the two language subjects and perhaps for Math, but the other subjects could have undergone further improvement.
Right now, with all the free time I have, I just wish that I could shift all this time back to the pre-'O' level period, and utilize it wisely.
...but oh wait, it's hopeless. I guess I'm just too distracted.

I'm thinking right now; provided I do not perform well for my 'O' levels, shall I just enroll in ITE and retake private 'O's? Retake it in Greenview? Or just move on to a course that I might not even like?
But really, that would be a major disappointment. I've got cousins who've enrolled in top-class institutions like Victoria School, VJC, NUS, some have even obtained their Master's.
I'm always the subject of comparison between them by my mom. But seriously, it's not fair. I was born with only half the intelligence. My dad's family is well-educated, and my mom's family is averagely-educated (or just lazy).
So I guess I'm the rounded up person. I have a little of my maternal wild child traits, often being ostracized by my paternal cousins because they're the "easygoing, sit-at-one-corner but still study and are damn smart" kind.
And having my paternal intelligence, I guess I'm looked up to in my maternal family. But I'm also ostracized in the sense that I'm not as wild-child or talkative like the rest of my maternal cousins.
All that and yada yada. I'm sure all of you get what I mean.

But despite all that, I still believe that even a degree can be equivalent to NOTHING when there is no passion in whatever you do.
Let's face it -- even if you're damn smart, without passion you'll go nowhere.
I guess that my dad is my motivation. He's smart but lazy (like me), and back in the old days he struggled through his Poly years and graduated with a Diploma I think (?)
As far as I know, he has no degree.
Yet where has his passion for computers got him now? He may not be as rich as Bill Gates but I'm just grateful that he's able to raise a well-to-do family.
(fyi we're not as rich as you people think we are. maybe it's because we don't own a car and i so happen to be the only child; that's why i may seem like i've got so much money but the fact is, i'm like every one of you out there -- just a middle-class family living in urban singapore. so stop claiming i'm rich as if you know about my family's financial stability)

Back to my point, since it's a new year, I'll also need resolutions. Let's list down a few:

I want to make more friends who are hyper, carefree, fun-loving and companionable.

Reconcile with past enemies and resolve any existing disputes.

Kill all the vanity in me and be confident in myself even without it.

Improve my attitude and social skills.

Cut down on slutting around.

Take things in life much more seriously.

Tolerate the inexperienced, and be more patient with others.

Play nice with everyone, with the "three chances" rule still applied.

Make my visions a reality.

Make amendments to atone for my past sins.

Strive to achieve the best and be successful in life.

I must admit, out of all the years I've made resolutions, this has been the most difficult yet.
But I am absolutely positive that this year, I shall do my very best to accomplish high-standard tasks based on my passion and forte.
I WILL STRIVE TO ACHIEVE. I WILL STRIVE FOR SUCCESS!

WARNING: Extremely lengthy post.

2009-12-31T23:38:00.002+08:00

It's a New Beginning, Year 2010.
And as promised, I shall dedicate my statements to the people that have been close to me for all these 4 years (or perhaps less), I don't really care if you guys read them or not, I shall keep them as reference for myself and as enlightenment to others.
(the words at the bottom in italics is an affiliated philosophy that you'll have to decipher yourself. i'm not going to mention what they really mean but rest assured that they're all positive things)

- DEENA -
We started off rough, and I may have disliked you at first. But you really ended up to be someone who's patient and tolerant of what people did to you no matter what the degree of injustice.
Firstly I would like to thank you because out of everyone else, I guess you are the one who has pretty much made the most positive impact on me as an individual.
You've taught me that kindness does pay off eventually, and to listen to both sides of a story before passing judgment on one side of the argument.
Heck, most importantly, you've shown me that revenge is never a resolve to end past feuds and to love anyone and everyone regardless of their background, their past, their personality.
I'm sincerely sorry for the events that took place last year (yes i've swallowed my pride to apologize to you for once), and even then you continued to maintain a good friendship with me.
I truly admire your tolerance level, it is really as powerful as you claim it is.
Plus, you've a really great listening ear. Seriously, if you could maybe work on your looks a little (don't become vain, just make yourself look better), all the guys and maybe some girls would drool over you. I swear!
Surely, someone like you would make a lot of friends in life. But don't forget about me, ok?
Be the change you want to see.

- HIDAYAH -
You're one hell of a tough cookie.
Honestly, you're one of a kind. The odds of ever meeting a girl like you is one in a million, like seriously.
Even though you constantly annoy me with your unpleasant shouting and bickering, ultimately it's your unique character that doesn't cease to amaze me. You've earned my respect.
Thanks for standing up for me in my sticky situations (though some needlessly), and for opening up my tougher side. You've also awakened my self-confidence since I've met you and for that, I am always indebted.
You've also taught me to be less judgmental and I've even made an effort to let go of past grudges.
With your polished leadership qualities, I'm sure you will grow up to be an excellent modern-day, working-class Samsui woman.
You're one of the friends I have that I definitely don't want to lose :)
And I'm sorry if much of my negative influence has rubbed off on you, please try not to further pursue it.
Along the journey of life, don't lose yourself.

- SYAHIRAH -
Much of my Secondary School life has pretty much been shared with you.
I'm also sorry for being judgmental towards you during our first encounter, you've also turned out to be a worthy and loyal friend indeed!
What I'll miss is hanging out and chatting after school, whoring around in Drama, going to the Mumbai Exchange Programme and doing random dumb shit.
Like seriously, you're one of my most treasured friends. I was so touched when you bought me something(s) when you went to Malacca. Gosh, nobody has ever done that for me before (except my family lah, i'm not that pathetic obviously).
It's alright, I'll definitely repay you back the favours you've done me! :)
And although you grumble a lot, you'd still ultimately accomplish the given task anyways... LIKE ME! Hahaha. Grumble but still do.
Patience is a virtue.

- SHIDA -
You're another one of the first few friends I made in Drama.
A girl with a shy demeanor and a very much eroded self-esteem like me.
Although initially disliked, you turned out to be a very approachable and understanding friend indeed. Thanks for listening to my problems and sharing yours as well in our times of need.
You're also someone who's happy no matter what the situation is, and I really wish I could be like you about that.
But really, if only you could improve on your punctuality, you'd be a really awesome friend I swear.
Oh yes, and it has been 4 years and we still haven't done a duet cover together. Let's make one soon, aite?
You are what you eat.

- EVEPREET -
We started off well, got a little rocky in the middle but it ended up with a happy ending, eh?
I'll undoubtedly miss walking home with you from school twice (or thrice) every week.
You're fun to hang around, a really great companion to be with and an excellent actress as well (all in one helluva kickass package)!
Seriously, I envy how you're able to portray majority of any given roles with much confidence and precision, blending in your own elements in acting.
On top of all that, you have an awesome singing voice, hitting the vocals nicely and with great skill. Let's face it, you're a multi-talent.
You'd grow up to be one fine star (provided the given opportunity), I'll definitely pray hard for you that one day you will get discovered and rise to stardom.
When you do, you'll have a faithful friend who'll always support you!
Firm grounds breed conflict, and conflict breeds experience.

- HIDHIR -
Drama's resident stoner,
I'll definitely miss your Britney (or not).
Sharing the same hatred for fucked Mr Tan Woon Wee,
One thing I will miss about you is to provoke you randomly and watch you scream in agony. Okay not literally lah. But you know what I mean.
You know what I like about you? You have pretty much the same level of tolerance as Deena. And you're also very artistic. A true D&T student in the making!
On top of all that, you're also really well-reserved and calm. Heck, I never knew you had such monstrous strength! I was totally taken aback when I was beat over by you in arm-wrestling. For a small dude you're actually very strong, bro.
Next time we team up and beat up that (se)Tan-fucker ah! :D
...Oh, and if you ever need any ass-istance in D&T or anything for that matter, I'm just a call away!
Do not underestimate a warrior's strength.

- ANSON -
Determination.
When you put your heart into something, you'd eventually get really good at it. That's what I've noticed. And you've justified this time and time again. I admire that.
Use that to your advantage, improve yourself as a person and I'm sure you will emerge successful in life.
I'm gonna miss raping you in school, during Drama, (strip)teasing you and playing GC till late at night with you.
It seemed like we started off rough, I'm also sorry for bullying you back in the old days (did i?) like you claimed, but the past is the past and what matters is that we're cool now.
Don't bother about what others say about you, just be happy (and don't annoy the people around you of course) and you'd be one friend magnet.
Determination is the seed to bear the fruit of success.

- ASHRAF -
This dude, my splitting image.
He's really nice and fun to hang around. Although you're not technically part of Drama, you've become very close to us and you're our "unofficial" member!
Really, you've got a great listening ear with a powerful vocal talent to go with it and I never thought I'd find anyone who'd be so similar to me (minus the work-hard attitude).
You're the younger but more capable version of me and I'm sure that when you develop your passion, you'll definitely surpass me and all the chicks would go Gaga over you! You can bet on it.
And he's one living, breathing example of straight queer! So to all of you heterofucks, go choke on a dick baybeh!
p/s fuck nazrene who rejected you when you wanted to join drama.
Boys wanna be you, girls wanna be friends with you.

- WEI SZE -

Bro, you've really got tolerance too! I mean, if I were in your shoes, I might have already drifted away. But you, you made me really think twice about things.
You're like, a soloist person in Drama, and I really admire how you can cope with that.
Truthfully, I think you're a nice and thoughtful person despite being cloaked in that awfully silent facade. Really, you should tap into your wild side and unleash the fury within!
I'm sorry if I (or we, rather) have ever ostracized you from anything during Drama. It's not that we meant to do it, but rather there's no basis for conversations. You also have to learn to be more participative during activities okay? :)
And even if you didn't get a role in the SYF, I felt really bad about it; you still participated actively and gave your full support. Now really, that is something I respect you about.
I'm sure that if you improve more of your group social skills (you're great as an individual) and self-esteem, you'd be one guy not to be reckoned with. Absolutely!
The greatest gift in life is the gift of friendship.

- NAZIA -
You stuck with me in Drama back when I was still the loser, when I was constantly bullied and guided me through when I was in depression and wanted to quit.
Seriously, you're someone who's fun to hang around and can relate to anything about.
And you're way different from the other people that belong to your tier. In fact, I never thought you actually were from the Technical stream! (no offence to the technical students)
Really, you look so intelligible and to some degree you know quite a lot of things I don't. I'm sure that you're the kind that stands out of the crowd in ITE (yet again, no offence to ite students).
I also absolutely admire your drawing skills, I'm sure you'll become a great interior designer. After that, do design my home for FREE, ok? :D
Passion is the key to success.

- AMIRAH -
Yo bitch! You're like, the coolest senior ever. Although we all started off on the hostile end, you really ended up to be a fun person after all!
Really, I don't regret having to swallow all that hatred and start over anew with you.
I absolutely adore your fashion sense and the random jokes you'd always make. Not to mention, you've got superb linguistic skills. I like!
You totally revolutionized the Hoehood. I'm sure one day you'll find your dream guy because believe it or not, you've got everything a guy would want in his near-perfect dream girl!
Except for the incest part ah (her cousin's girlfriend is my cousin, so our orgies have been incestuous all this while hahaha).
Although I've never seen you act on your maximum potential, I have absolutely no doubt that you are a very experienced actress. Loving you always!
True friends accept you for who you are.

- JONATHAN -
Smart-ass senior. Thus far the only one from your batch (and also possibly compared to ours) to enroll in a JC. So you're always busy and don't stop by to visit much. Bitch.
Just kidding! ^^\/
Always laid-back, you'd sure make a pretty great friend to have around.
I don't really know much about you, but I sure know enough to say that you're really nice. One of the awesomest, funnest non-homophobic heterosexuals I've met.
Plus you kinda saved my ass in the 'O' levels when you actually helped me out with my Chemistry homework (whatever you said that day remained in my head for a longgggg time).
So for that, I thank you. And if I get a good grade for my Science, I'll buy you lunch ok? ;)
Seriously, I'm sure a lot of girls so dig you right now right? Hahaha.
Love is limitless, not bound by restriction.

- FITRI -
You've unleashed the wild child in me, seriously if not for you, I would not have come out as "Horny Fifi who dares to twist and defy the rules to his liking."
I want you to know that although the others may have hated you back then, I still loved you but was simply blinded by my friends' influence.
I understand why they might have disliked you but I am really sorry because all the while, you had been a really great friend to me.
And no, I don't believe you have become a minahrep or whatever you so-call it. I still believe that deep inside, there still remains that portion of you as that fun-loving, carefree Fitri Nabilah.
Even though we've not been in contact for almost two years now, know that a part of you will always remain in my heart to carry to the grave.
Change is inevitable.

- SHIQA -
Pretty much the same as Fitri,
thanks for sticking up for me back when your nasty friends provoked me.
I know you're probably not reading this but I will admit that I did have a tiny crush on you back then. You're a really loyal and faithful friend, you are also very generous and wouldn't mind lending anyone cash when they need it badly.
Plus you're really pleasant to chat around with!
You're not like those other minahs out there (in my opinion), you're just influenced by their antics and pulled into their clique circles.
Otherwise, you'd make a really awesome companion to have around, like honestly!
Influence is not by force, but merely a choice.

- SYAFIQAH -
Its been a long time since I've seen you, everyone says you've changed for the better.
I'm really happy to hear that, I guess. All this while, you've been a great friend too, minus the frequent PMS outbursts but overall you're someone who has a strong sense of loyalty.
I will certainly not forget the good deeds you've done for me, and obviously even our memories, as faded as they are, will always stay with me.
Seriously, I miss the "lepak" times with you, Fitri, Shiqa, Shida, Hidayah, Deena and Irah.
Especially sliding in the water during heavy rainfall in public and committing publicity stunts at the void deck and being raided by the police. Hahahah, good times.
Everybody deserves a second chance.

To 1E5 and 2E5,
thanks for the really fun times we've shared together.
Really, if I could rewind back to time, I would very much like to be back in those days where we'd still be young and naive, immature, causing trouble and bullying teachers we don't like.
Oh, and being bitchy and a tease as a plus for me.
Of course, I will also miss dancing with the Multi-Teens (horrible name, who made it?) and teaming up with everyone against Tan Woon Wee.
Gosh, where have the years gone? It seemed like just yesterday we had formed the dance group and danced pathetically to now-loserish songs.
But we all know that it's always the fun and joy we share that matters!
(and tan woon wee, i will get my revenge. sooner or later, i will make sure you dread living. i will make sure that you will never dare walk upon the face of this earth in my presence ever again)
...Contradictory to the abovementioned statement about letting go of past grudges, he's the one that I really cannot forgive and would like to take down.

To 3E5,
FUCK YOU.

To 4E5,
I never thought that all of us would really get along well and cause a lot of mayhem (not as bad as 3E5 but a much more positive deviant of course).
Honestly, I thought I'd suffer another year of hell in 2009 but all of you sure have proven me wrong!
We sure had fun during the carwash, the Motivational Workshop, the class activities and wow, you've all taught me not to be so judgmental just because a person looks "like that".
You've all opened up my heart to meeting new kinds of people and giving second chances.
Thus far, I do not regret not transferring to another school; or else I would've missed out on all the fun times that all of us had shared together!
For that, I thank you. Love you 4E5.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST...

To my beloved Drama Club,
thanks for the awesome moments we shared together through all these years!
It has been a good platform to de-stress after a hard day's work, all while having fun, bonding together and gaining experience as actors!
Hell, we didn't need that Tak Guna Cendawan Lucah Trainer (Useless Porno Mushroom Trainer) to train us, we made it through SYF ourselves and achieved a Bronze. That's quite a feat.
(and you know that it still wasn't our 100%, we could do much much better period)
Those I have not mentioned, know that I still love all of you tits to bits.
I spent a really long time writing those individual dedications. My other juniors, you still have a place in my heart and every one of you is also special to me, okay? :)
No matter what happens, we will always be The Drama Club!

Now as we all take a step forward and further descend into the uncertain future, let us all make this journey through life together, united and undivided.
Friends forever.
@->--

Hoes United.

2009-12-31T20:44:00.005+08:00

Drama Club Annual BBQ was yesterday, I'm posting today on behalf.
Overall, it was pretty fun. Did plenty of camwhoring.
Although things didn't really work out as planned, what truly mattered was that every one of us had experienced some degree of fun, right? :)

I'm definitely going to miss everyone so much! My juniors, my hoes, all the 4 years we've all spent together in Greenview Secondary School.
Honestly, it seemed like just yesterday we'd entered GVSS and had just known each other.
Don't you think that all these years have gone by... so fast?
Thanks to everyone for making my stay so memorable. I love you guys to the core, and we'll forever be The Drama Hoes. One hoehood, united and undivided.
Like seriously, back then I couldn't survive a week without Drama. I nearly died during the 'O' levels period because I was deprived of my hoes. It was cruel torture.

But never mind about that, I shall elaborate more on the next upcoming post instead.
Do keep a lookout aite? I'm dedicating my statements to every one of my hoes out there, so y'all better listen up real good.
Till then, let the pictures do the talking:

The Pre-pre-Mass Orgy session.

CHECKLIST INVENTORY! Handwriting nice right? ;)

Slacking while the others set up lol.

Sluts in a tent. 'Cum' on in.

Tired, messaging. The winds were strong.

Awaludin-babylove is so cute sia!

My favourite juniors: I luv them so much ok!

HAHAHAHA FAIL ATTEMPT.

Us playing 'Dares' while killing off the time

(pictures courtesy of suelynn and hidhir)
More in Facebook, I picked the nicer ones to put up here.
And yes I know I have put on weight lately, no comments please. Hahaha :o
I'm really sorry if any of you weren't contented with everything there, I should have planned things earlier and much more effectively.
I guess that next time I'll do just that. And make sure everyone pays up. As for now, I'll just keep mum about it >.>
Nevertheless, I hope you all had fun today.

I'm too lazy to elaborate on what happened throughout the day (because a lot of things happened, both pleasant and unpleasant) and I doubt it would even be of interest to any one of you lol.
So I'll just keep it between me and whoever was present on that day.

Besides, I'm sure there's some of you who own blogs and would like to enlighten the rest about what happened during the course of the BBQ. Read theirs instead :D
To everyone: the videos I took with my videocam need to be transferred through my dad's computer, and knowing the dirty shit we did in there it might take a little longer for me to bypass his attention and upload it here.
Sorry for the inconvenience caused.

But I promise, you will all get to see my Banana Blowjob video okay? HAHAHAHAH loves.

A Boring Christmas indeed.

2009-12-25T23:19:00.000+08:00

Judgmentalism.
Maybe it's in my nature to be very judgmental towards people. It's always based on first impressions and what we see from the naked eye.
Perhaps that is the main underlying reason why I have such an eroded self-esteem.
I am afraid of what people would think of me as much as how I am mentally judgmental towards people (hence many negative things will circulate in my head as i glare at a particular person, questioning his/her background, personality, behavior, etc.)
Yes, and I will admit that I am in fact afraid of what people think of me even though they do not physically or verbally express their disregard. It's always about a flaw in your aspects as a person that could potentially displease someone, something I dislike.
So to put it simply, I fear my own kind.

It's not perfectionism, nobody who walks on the face of this planet could possibly attain such a great feat. It is, in fact, more of a matter of social decency, of acceptance as an individual.
If one person is not happy with you about something, then there is also a possibility that many others also hold problems with what you are like.
For instance, I cannot stand people who smoke in my vicinity, or people who delay the disembarking time on an escalator, or people who are so inconsiderate, rude and indecent in public (and the list goes on and on). And I sure am absolute that I'm not the ONLY one.
So with all that, I'll make the effort to change. And this change is NOT merely because I want to please people, it also brings a sense of confidence and acceptance in myself. So I would also be pleased with it. It's a win-win situation.
It's not an act whereby I try to put everything together and please everyone I know, but it also improves my social skills and presentability. So basically if I know I couldn't possibly please EVERYONE around me, might as well I go for second best and try to get the favour of many.

Right now, I seek to not make any more enemies but just remain at friendly terms with everyone.
Even now, I hold my past enemies to a certain degree of respect no matter what horrible crime or injustice they've committed towards me or my loved ones in the past.

(of course, this still comes with the exception of certain individuals who have absolutely no remorse or regret towards what they had done previously)
For some reason, I feel a sense of calmness and peace that I have at last reconciled and gotten back on good terms with some of them. Though the rest may still continue to walk this Earth in constant rejection, I'll still try my best I can to settle matters.
I know some of you here might think, "Oh pathetic" or "Are you for real?". Well for starters, I've made far more friends than enemies now. As compared to the past, where I had more enemies instead. That's an improvement somewhat.

It's just that... it is difficult to live under the shadow of social rejection.
Something I cannot accept easily -- social rejection.

A strange but powerful feeling drawing me towards forging stronger ties with the ones I love and respect, and to rekindle the flames of friendship towards those that I don't. The world already faces alarming levels of hostility and I do not seek to contribute to it further.
Since the world is already in such an apocalyptic state (as they say), what good is there ending your final moments knowing that there still exists a fragment of humanity that does not accept you as you are?
Surely, we cannot please everyone in this world. Even great people have haters. Divine entities. Seperate beliefs and contradictory philosophies only fuel the tension between people.
But it's always much better to have a higher friend count than for enemies. Catch my drift? ;)

And just because I said that, doesn't mean that I believe in the 2012 phenomenon predictions.
Personally, I think that we should just continue to live life and let things happen on its own accord. Whatever happens, happens.

Seriously, unless this doomsday phenomenon is possibly man-made (Large Hadron Collider -.-) then there's nothing we can do about it really.

Do all you have left in this world, make amends, and finally move on.

NOTE: This isn't an atheistic view of life. Please don't be offended.

So um I guess I'm going to end my boring post here.

Oh, and Merry Christmas everyone (!)

From Santa Clits and his hoe hoe hoe <3

I AM ANGRY!

2009-12-18T22:41:00.002+08:00

Is there a rulebook for being straight? I don't think so.
You 'manly' men think you're so dominant on the face of this Earth.
What, all 'men' are expected to act in a certain fixed manner? "Can only do this, cannot do that".
In MY opinion, life doesn't follow a certain format. But rather, how a person chooses to live his life is his own doing, and he is held solely responsible for it.
What's wrong with not following the common herd of sheep?

Let me tell all of you assholes something:
your definition of a 'real man' is nothing but a despicable load of bull (!)
Barbaric men who favour conflicts and violence, engage in lustful relationships, feast on the modesty of women and live life without a true meaning -- simply by pleasing themselves through such inhumane methods.
Is that where the man's natural pride lies?
If that is, then I refuse to ever assert myself as a man.

So what if I've got a girl's eyes, a girl's ass and a girl's personality?
What am I? An impure breed of male? What do you take me for?
If I'm what you call "bapok", then let me ask you why do YOU shake your ass when you walk, why do you wave your fingers all the time, why you talk in a medium-pitched voice also?
DON'T ALL THOSE THINGS MAKE YOU A BAPOK TOO?
You'd better watch your fucking mouths, mother-fs, because I'll be the one laughing when your own children end up as shemales.
That's only fair for someone who goes around accusing other people about things like that.
'Men' nowadays are so thick-headed, always in denial of the obvious truth and thinking they're always right. Dude. In life, sometimes you've just got to admit loss.
Do you think you're SO STRAIGHT? Hahaha, wit is so amusing.

So what? You think that by condemning, accusing, humiliating and discriminating our kind you're really making the world more straighter?
Well let me tell you something, you self-righteous, PURE-heterosexual fucks, IT DOESN'T.
Sorry bros, with that attitude of yours, it will further breed a world of hatred and perhaps even more cases like these.
If you treat homos (and those trying to change) like this, you're just making the situation much much worse than it already is.
Seriously, just live in peace already. We've got enough violence in this world and obviously have no space for any more.

You think you guys are so manly?
Especially you heretic "Muslims". Didn't our religion teach us about respect?
People can change. And it's not up to you to decide it. They embrace their own individual paths by choice. The rest is up to the will of God the Almighty.
Don't butt in assuming things and doing things of your own accord that you think would do justice in this world. It's not.
(there are 'gays' who embrace the path out of rebellion and to achieve a sense of acceptance thanks to all you heterofucks)

For fuck's sake, let me narrow down the meaning of "bapok"?
You unintelligible jerks have obviously no clue of the words you're saying and continue to live under the misperception of the meaning of that word.
Let me explain it to all of you stupid heterosexual fucks out there OKAY?

BAPOK - Transvestite.
GAY - Person who is attracted to the opposite gender.
PONDAN/AH GUA - Male with female traits.

Am I a transvestite? No right. Neither am I gay. You call me pondan/ah gua/softie, as long as it's not in an intimidating manner, I don't mind.
But don't call me that like it's a disease you need to eradicate from the face of this planet.
Because the only diseases that need to be eradicated in this world are the hypocrites, the self-righteous, the selfish and the overly-ambitious.
Menaces like the heterosexual homophobes obviously have issues with knowing about love. Superiority complex, perhaps?
It's just like Hitler turning Germany against one common enemy -- the Jews. Are the 'rightful' heteros going to do the same; to unite everyone against the homos and the accused?
Go to hell.
Most fuckers only do this to feel superior to something because they've been losers all their lives and have never experienced such a moment of greatness. How pathetic.

Aku basuh mulut kau dengan air mani ah sial.
Jaga mulut kau baik-baik.
Kau pikir aku coward pe nak lawan balik?
Pukimak, nak gaduh mari one-on-one ah sia. Takmo kecut panggil orang.
Nak panggil orang gi sembelih tu konek kau.
Kalau betul-betul berani then act like a man la.
I didn't know men were cowards who'd call on their 'members' to settle feuds.
So disgraceful lor.

The common "man's" interpretation of "bapok":

You act.
You sing.
You cook.
You dance.
You cry easily.
You don't do sports.
You're always alone.
You don't fancy soccer.
You're a little too friendly.
You talk in slang sometimes.
You're friends with many girls.
You've never been seen topless.
Your only guy friends are losers.
You're always silent around guys.
You look like a girl in your photos.
You've got a really distinctive walk.
Your body language speaks for itself.
You don't favour violence as a resolve.
You wear clothes that no one else wears.
You're very open about your inner feelings.
You always fancy a day out with your mom.
You favour talking in a medium-high pitched voice.
Your other guy friends are also either gay or softies.
You are/were a fan of Justin Bieber/The Jonas Brothers.

Gaydar is another thing, you heterofucks think you have it and that yours is oh-so reliable and accurate.
Well guess what! Obviously I've been there and done that so I'd have one as well. 28-strong now (and counting), how about yours?
It takes on to know one, they say.
Even when I do use my gaydar, I'll just be like "I think he's gay. Heheheh." and I won't add in an extra "EEEEEEEEW" or "GROSSSSSSSSSSZ".
Honestly, it's not a choice to be gay. Further research suggests that 80% of cases are natural.
Can't really blame God for making us that way, can't you?

Even though I was/am like this, I still know what's right.
I know that in the end, I shall have to get married to a girl and raise a family.
I know that having sex outside of marriage is a bad thing. It's against all religions, and even carries potential health risks (STDs). Those who do it are responsible for their own actions.
Sheesh, you're all drilling common sense into our heads. We ain't stupid.
I'm making my own fucking choices. Who the fuck are all of you to try to make the decisions for me? I shall atone for my own sins, I shall be the one to answer for my own actions.
And where will the rest of you be? Being pissed on the grave by some stray dog.
You heterofucks are probably just jealous that our kind can pick up chicks easier than you can.
Call me the 'enemy of God', when I'm trying to make an effort here. And you assert yourself as Muslims. Really, is that what we all are becoming?

In Iran, men are also placed under criminal charges for being 'too effeminate', and there are also possibilities of a death sentence. Yet have they justified such claims?
From what I know, there is nothing wrong with loving another person of the same sex, just as long as both parties do not commit adultery (engage in sexual activities).
I don't get the harm in loving, seriously.
So what, in all your years of friendship, you've never loved your best friend? So what are you saying, that friendship can flourish without love? Yeah, in your own world perhaps. Not here.

Don't get me wrong, Islam is a religion that holds all life sacred, and we are all taught to love one another (even those outside of the religion).
So those assholes that you see on TV who claim they're Islam and dropping bombs around other innocent non-Muslim populated communities are nothing but a bunch of extremists who exaggerate and twist the words written in the Holy Quran.
They're not Muslims, they're heretics who seek to push the world into another Jihad (a holy war between the different religious factions, also known as a crusade in christian terms).

But here's the real deal:
I'm not pro-homo anti-hetero (neither am i the other way round), I'm just voicing out my frustrations to the people blinded by the reality of it all.
Like seriously, get a newsflash.
Cooking isn't a man thing, but the greatest chefs in the world are men. The irony?
So once again, I don't mean to offend you heteros who've all this while been awesome friends but the rest of them are just jerks who deserve a clear spanking. A garbage in need of disposal.
(:

On a random note,
Research over the years show that women who have a high intake of soybean during pregnancy may end up having children with additional female hormones.
(meaning either really girly daughters or effeminate sons)
So sugar daddies, if you don't want your kids to end up like me, make your wives drink less soybean. Whereas if you want kids who are like me, make them drink A LOT of soybean.
Hahaha. I'm just kidding.
;)

I've made my stand. Justified it. Any objections?

p/s i am still a-sexual bitchzx.
p/s/s despite the controversies raised by this post, i am still firm on my stand.

TWEET TWEET BEEEEEEEP!

2009-12-17T23:10:00.001+08:00

Sorry for the lack of updates lately,
the holidays have been very cruel to me.
Who would've thought that things would turn out this boring during the holidays? Argh.

On the plus side, I got myself a brand new...
UKULELE (!)
(for those of you who don't know what it is, it's a miniature version of an acoustic guitar with only four strings, and is the recommended beginner's instrument)
Yeah so don't ask why I did it was so cute that I HAD to have it.
That AND um, it's something for me to entertain myself with at home.
But mostly because it's effing cute lor -spaz spaz spaz-

I'm probably gonna piss everyone off with what I'm going to say but,
the first song I learnt on the ukulele is Miley Cyrus's Party in the USA!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA it's so uber annoying, I'mma piss everyone off by playing it.
But you gotta admit, for a brat she makes pretty good music sometimes
:o

Anyways, I've pretty much got all the details for the upcoming Drama BBQ ready.
I know y'all hores read my blog more than the Drama blog right.
So I might as well post the details here as well -
What: (un)Official GV Drama Club Annual BBQ
When: Wednesday, 30th December 2009 from 2pm to 10pm
Where: Pasir Ris Park, Pit No. 9 (most probably. if not, then somewhere nearby)
How: Outside Escape Theme Park, there is a gate to the left, just keep walking straight and there are the pits.
Who: Drama clits (clique), close acquaintances, teachers.
Why: Reunion, catching up, bonding time, yada yada.
Fee: $10 per person (to be paid to me during the mass meetup next week)

WHOEVER DOESN'T CUM,
I WILL MAKE SURE YOU GET FINGERED BY SHANNA.
AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN.
Teach you a lesson 'bout messin' with us hoesz.
So do cum, okay? I'm not forcing you. ;)

And yes, I will need everyone who owns a camera to bring them, and whoever has a speaker (to blast out music) to please bring it along too.
We'll need all the pictures and all the music we can get.
We're gonna party so hard till everyone has multiple orgasms mannnzxcv.
Don't care you boy or girl, we're gonna rock the park so hardddddddddddddddd.
Oh yes, and the highlight of the BBQ is: I've got a few... interesting activities lined up for all of us, and you wouldn't want to waste missing out on all the fun and action!

Ah and before I forget,
good luck to all the 'N' level students retrieving their results tomorrow!
(i'm gonna be a busybody and attend the result ceremony heheheheh seriousz)

p/s, I'm sorry for today's post, I'm just very high right now. I fanboyed a lot today.

Bad Bromance.

2009-12-15T23:28:00.001+08:00

You know what (?)
I was at my blog earlier in the day and when my mom came into the room,
WE TOTALLY DID NOT REALIZE SOMETHING EVEN THOUGH IT WAS SO OBVIOUS:
there was still the screenshot of that sexposed horny pedoe there.
Luckily, she did not look at the screen properly, take a good look!
...or I would've been mega-screwed already. Hahahaha.

Holidays have been such a turn-off.
My godmother called and asked if I wanted to work with her colleague, but the commitment is only for three weeks. Maybe I should've accepted it.
Even though it's only for three weeks.
Oh well, I'll just have to continue searching then.
;)

Flaws and Weaknesses.

2009-12-11T23:20:00.002+08:00

(censored for privacy purposes, though click photo to enlarge)

Never be on the giving end.
Especially when you're the kind who pisses the other party off at the same time.
I hope you've learnt your lesson now, my little predator.

Just so you know, I'm a hardcore anti-paedophile.
Think twice before you prey on the new-generation pedophees.
;)

And for fuck's sake, stop taking me for a gay/bi without solid proof.

I don't get turned on by your dick.

Influence.

2009-12-09T23:46:00.001+08:00

It's a powerful thing.
One may just initiate change within a matter of seconds, minutes, hours, days.
An instant change, usually uncalled for.
Some may be positive, but mostly negative.
It all depends on the field of influence the subject is exposed to.
People do succumb to this phenomenon. Friends, lovers, enemies. And they turn out differently.
Most of the time, change that results in conflict and strains in relationship between these people. Bonds are broken, hearts are shattered and friendships are tested.

Have I fallen prey to influence? We all have. It's humanly.
Many have I spectated succumbed to change. Influence shifts existence into a different form, causing a major disruption upon impact.
Recovery time is minimal; which explains why this impact becomes very significant.
As close friends/observers, we can instinctually sense a disturbance in the atmospheric quality.
To me? Change due to influence is fine and acceptable as long as the influenced do not lose themselves and forget who they really are.
Point taken: Don't let influence change you into something you're not.

...and that was what I was made to realize by the man in my dream.
It was a very discreet and momentary dream, a pause to the nightmare that had apparently haunted half of my restless night before proceeding on the much 'anticipated' sequel.
In a sense, you could say that was some sort of vision.
I tried to interpret it the closest possible way I could, and that is what is written above.
Conveyed by the wise sage that resided within the deepest depths of my dreams. Although it had previously claimed to be a monument representative of my every sin (which was, in fact, titanic in appearance), and also many other different forms, I know deep down inside that it was all the doing of one entity. Who knows?

It could also possibly be God reaching out to me and passing over his wisdom through adopting several other physical forms and appearing in my dreams.
I know what all of you are thinking: I'm probably bullshitting about getting sagely dreams.
Sadly no, this happens to be the seventh time (as far as i can remember) I had this sort of dream. Where there is nothing but me, another unidentified wise being, talking, in the infinite abyss.
Like, an inner self-confession time.

After the pause in that infinite black abyss, the nightmare continued and faded back in.
Like a horror screenplay being broadcasted on TV with the random adverts in-between.
That's one thing I like about my dreams. My ideas and thoughts mostly flourish from dreams. And each of my dreams always carry some sort of significance or a strong implication of a capable drama play (hence the syf script heheh).
Somehow, I was relieved to have gone through that dream.
It made me realize things and gain experience.

...

And in that nightmare, I was consistently running away from a high-profile paedophile rapist while at the same time, devising a plan to kill him.
I was one of the kids being illegally trafficked and sold into slavery.
So I led a rebellion against the organization with a few comrades (co-slaves).
The world seemed like a scary place. Endless bloodshed, lives were lost, many were unhappy. Suffering was everywhere. Conflicts were imminent. The state of the world was apocalyptic.
My heart goes out to the children subjected to such a fate in reality.
Honestly I don't remember what happened at the end, people tend to forget. The first thing I did when I woke up was to recall every fragment of that little discussion time with the unidentified Sage.

I'd better end here for now, I need to continue writing the script for my portfolio.
Till then.

p/s To all the paedophiles,
FUCK YOU _l_

Say that you love me.

2009-12-08T23:24:00.001+08:00

Memories of GVSS, 2006 - 2009.

I was really bored for the day so I made this video in Windows Movie Maker.
And I just slotted almost every photo I had in there.
I know this is also a little too late to be posting up farewell videos and etc. but the idea suddenly phased through me and I also just realized that I haven't really done any so far. So this video's actually also for my own self-reference.
:)
WARNING: Massive major unglam shots.
Most of the pictures were taken during the Unglam Generation;
back when I was influenced by the 'happening' mat trends and apparels.
And back when my hair still sucked ballszx.

Yeah, you can't live in denial of your past.
No matter how horrible it is. That's the sad part :(

Today's gonna be a short one, I'm all drained out.
Much luv, Eden jobless.
xoxo

Extreme aggravation.

2009-12-07T23:28:00.002+08:00

If there's one thing I really hate...
It's friends who suck at prioritizing their own friends.

Piss on the graves of those who use their friends as spare tyres.
What do you think I am? Something extra you just dump in the corner when you're with your other friends and someone whom you'd re-retrieve after you're not in good terms with them?
Do you think I'd really allow you to degrade me to such a despicable level again and again?
Oh please. I would rather be friends with a faithful notorious criminal than to be friends with an unfaithful goody two-shoes like you.

Faith is a vital key to a successful relationship.

Sorry to say, ours used to be. But now, it's nothing but a torn battlefield.
And no, I'm not being melodramatic, I speak the definite truth. Look at how far your unfaithfulness has gotten us.
To the extent where I'm even lashing out my anger openly here.
That's sad. So so sad.
Boo hoo.

I'm not being a hypocrite.
Everyone experiences this in their lives several times.
I'll be honest that I may do it sometimes, but I would feel really horrible about it and try to make up for it with something. I won't make it too obvious with the making up part, but at least something that shows how much I appreciate them at least.
But you...? Not even the slightest bit of guilt nor even a spare thought.
Do you think you're that beyond cool? I don't think so. I'm not dying to be your friend or whatever shiz. I've got much cooler company to mix with than a nitwit like you.
I'm just going with the flow. You wanna be friends? So be it. Don't wanna be friends? So be it.
But don't ever dare you put me in that disgusting position.

And when finally, you're back together with them all over again, you neglect my existence.
When you are back in good terms with those bunch of buffoons, it's like I've never existed, never born into this world and had never even met you in your eyes.
Do you think you're the only human being who can perceive emotions? That the world revolves only around you and your friends? Yeah, you wish.
Even if you were my best friend for a lifetime, I would still have left you and instantly severed our ties if you ever dared show your unfaithfulness to me.
What am I to you exactly, I want to know?

"Where were YOU when I needed you?"

...And you dare to even raise this question.

Let me ask you then, have you ever thought about otherwise?

Yes. I'm the kind of person who keeps things bottled up only to release everything in one devastating blow when I'm really really angry.

Plus I think the proper term should be "where were you when I wanted to use you?". There, it sounds much more appropriate for your case.

Don't you agree?
:D

Apologies were meant to be said straight to the face.
Don't cower behind the screen and quote some cliche line of apology thinking I'd fall for it, or some hopeless painstakingly decorated letter that you hope would touch my heart after reading. I don't.
Capiche?

Especially when you've used it time and time again. The effect is minimal now.
Most of all, it's your behavior that disgusts me.
Who would've thought that you'd be influenced into their crazy antics? I'm really disappointed in you, of all people. And to think that I thought better of you.
I guess I was wrong all these years, eh "friend"?
;)

Yes, I know you're reading this.
And I know that you know who you are.
Watch your mouth.

Worst day ever _l_

2009-12-07T20:15:00.007+08:00

LIFE'S BIGGEST SCREWUP(S):

Two weeks ago, I dropped my phone on the hard concrete and inflicted irrepairable damage, just when I desperately needed it to make important calls for my job interviews. Dad said I killed whatever I touched.
In simple terms, no new phone for me. FML.

Last week, in one of my last-ditch efforts to get a job, I wrote a rushed resume within half an hour and spam-sent it to the different employers. Attached to it was a picture of me.
I just realized that the background showcased my messy room. FML.

Today, on my way home from the gym, my mom called me and told me that some dude from Prologue @ ION Orchard called me about the job I've been longing for since a month ago.
She remained silent and hung up the call with him. FML.

When I returned home, I returned the call to them apologetically telling them I was still interested. The Supervisor sounded convincing and promised to call 15 minutes later.
Its been 6 hours now. FML.

I went around telling my friends that I got a job at Prologue @ ION when I haven't even received the green light nor went for any interviews. I'm trying to persuade myself that they will definitely hire me.
It was just a moment of self-consolation. FML.

I whined like a slut to this friend of mine through the phone for a good 30 minutes. Usually she would tolerate it and console me. I was blabbing shit for another few minutes.
I hadn't realized that she silently hung up the call. FML.

While spam-calling my friend to apologize for my behaviour, there was also an incoming call on the other line. I took a look at the caller ID and jumped with excitement.
Then I dropped the phone and it went dysfunctional. FML.

As I reassembled the phone's batteries and casing, I dialled the Prologue's Hotline. Pride suddenly made me a coward and I kept silent. Shortly thereafter I hung up.
I had no balls to call back. FML.

Today has got to be like, the worst day ever for me (!)

Oh well, I guess I'd better continue resume-spamming new empoyers.

And I shalt not be selfish, I get my job sources from http://www.jobscentral.com.sg/, where employers put up adverts looking for employees to boss around.

I did my part. Sharing is caring.

(hugs)

p/s Prologue is one of Popular's new branches located in ION Orchard, and it caters to the interests of trendy and book-loving customers alike.

p/s/s Even though workers only get paid $5 per hour and have to work on weekends as well from 12pm to 9pm, I'm still very desperate to get the job.

p/s/s/s Honestly right now, I'm just drowning in self-pity.

Ahhh well, back to the clipboard again.
Prologue, struck off the list.

Mega FML.

New Blog. Relink k peeps? ;)

2009-12-06T22:39:00.000+08:00

This is my new blog link and skin. Like it?
Inspired by Justin Bieber's French Version of "One Less Lonely Girl".
(i'm not a bieber fanboy nyeheh i just like his voice it's amazing)
The punks who call him a fag and a gay have obviously never been kids themselves before, because it's not his choice his voice is like that.

I happen to think he has a nice voice and he uses that well to his advantage.

People are just jealous of that.
Given the choice, I myself would've liked to maintain that boy kiddy-girly voice. Man voices are really hard to tame -- only amazing vocalists like Chris Daughtry and David Cook can achieve the sexy man voice which is, in my case, very hard to obtain. Even with practice.

;)

So I've spent like, almost the entire of today just editting this damn blogskin.
And I'm pretty much sick of HTML codes already.
Mind you, it wasn't an easy thing because the original version of this blogskin was very very girly.
Pink sparkles and hearts all over. I've completely purged the pink menace. Hahaha.
It was the same case for the previous blogskin as well. Mega girly hingga nak mampus terpancut-pancutz.
It's very unfair how the nicest blogskins are girly and pink.
Yet again, it's the girls who always come up with the unique and innovative designs.
The boyish designs are usually based on immature concepts and typical layouts.
So I guess who am I to say? Hahaha.
I used to design blogskins but I've stopped and deleted them because I'm very bad at HTML.

Now, the banner... Took me a good 1 hour to do. And it looks pretty crappy. But who cares, really. As long as I have a banner to fill up that gaping hole up there.

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYSZX (...)

Yeah, and I've got something to tell everyone.
Yesterday, there was a pasar malam (night bazaar) at Tampines Central, and as I was walking to the bus stop heading home from there, I was approached by some leaflet distributor.
Normally I'd just ignore them and walk away but I felt kind of sympathetic so I thought, "Ah heck, I might as well just take it".
But as I reached out my hand to grab the leaflet, the salesman suddenly gripped my hand and pulled me over to his booth to check out what he's selling.
"Ah fuck why did I get myself into this shit again -.-"
He was apparently promoting some facial cream product. Without my permission, he suddenly rubbed some on my hand and wiped it off. After which he told me to identify the difference.
Yes I must agree, the cream whitened my skin and I was quite fascinated by it.

What I didn't like about it was that it seemed very traditional (i hate traditional remedies, it's so superficial and cheap). But as I thought about that, the salesman did something that totally fired me up:
He started applying it on my right cheek (!)
Frustrated, I questioned what he was doing in a really upset tone.

"You've got so many pimples on your face dear, what happened?"
"Argh, hair chemicals got on my face. Now will you care to explain why..."
"Oh you go for rebonding ah? Your hair tip is rather curly"
"...Yes. Why? You have a problem with my hair?"
"No no it's nice you know. The bonding. How much you do?"

ARGH I FELL FOR THE ATTENTION-DIVERTING TRICK AS WELL.
What was wrong with me at that time, man :l
It was pretty obvious he was buying time for the application.
The part that really made my blood boil was that he applied it on my face WITHOUT my permission and on my right cheek ONLY.
(i suspect that it's some sort of salesman tactic to get their customers to buy their products because they've used it halfway and the only way to get the other half is to buy it)
And mind you, how dare he insult my face! As if his was any better.
TIP: To find out how effective a product is, look at the salesperson who's selling it to you. If the product is as successful as they claim it is, they should look flawless themselves.

Typical, typical salesmen. I can never trust them ever again.
I could have stopped him but I was slow in realizing that he already dipped his fingers in the container of cum-like cream and splatted it on my face in what seemed like an instant.
And then, after he finished applying and wiped it off, this conversation took place:

"Ah hensem ah bang ni. Tengok tu minah tu tengok abang. Muka hensem per"
(You're handsome lah bro. Look that chick's looking at you now. Your face handsome what)
"Eh? Ape-ape lah. Ada cermin tak?" _l_
(Really? Whatever. You got a mirror?)

There was no chick (AKA Minah) even looking at me.
Even if they did, it was because I looked like an idiot with all that white stuff on my face.
If he wanted to sweet-talk me into buying that shit... at least do it properly -.-
What idiot falls prey to such nonsense so easily? Probably those desperate ones or the really "perasan" guys.
And then, he could see that I looked very upset because I made it really obvious with the stinkeye.
To make up for it, he offered me one bottle at a discount price.
Originally it'd cost $15, but he reduced it to $10 because he said I had a cute face.
(gaydar tingling)
I couldn't possibly reject his offer after all he did, he totally used reversed psychology on me.

I took a good look at the mirror, can't believe I'm saying this but I've got to admit that it really does work to some extent.
He claimed that results will show after a week of constant application.
So yeah, I bought the product in the end and he gave me his number in case I had any enquiries.
What I hadn't realized was, he totally sublimated my rage within that instant somehow.
Darned salesman. He's too good.

I TOTALLY FELL FOR THOSE OLD TRICKS MANNNNNNN.
I couldn't believe it myself.
Walked off the booth with the plastic bag in hand, and right now I feel like a total idiot.
But since I bought the cream, I might as well use it right? He seemed pretty confident of it anyway. Since he gave me his number and contact details + applied it on my face directly (most salesmen would not dare to without permission).
If it works, I'll endorse the cream. But if it doesn't, I'll sue them.

:D

So I guess this is going to be all for today.
Tune in next time k.

p/s, do relink me aite? thanksz ;)